Friendships and physical intimacy

Hey guys,

So this post is going to be a little different from my recent posts in that this is just something that I've been thinking about tonight and I kind of wanted to get it down onto (virtual) paper.

Also, I think this is an issue or situation that I know a lot of you will be able to relate to and I'd really love to hear your thoughts on it.

Okay so basically the situation I'm talking about is when you are at a party, maybe have had a bit too much to drink and you end up getting intimate with someone that you've maybe known for a while and had a friendship with previously and just how much that actually changes things and how much of an effect it can have on that previous relationship.

No one is going to deny the fact that physical intimacy, regardless of how much or what that means, changes things between people.
Physical intimacy has the power to completely make or break what the two of you previously shared.

But there are a lot of different ways that this seems to work.

For example, it's been the case for me where that sort of thing will actually strengthen a friendship.
It's been the case where it will turn a friendship into a romantic relationship.
It's been the case where it can completely ruin a friendship and turn every second that you're around that person afterwards into an awkward mess.
And, as weird as it may sound, it's also been the case where it will just have zero impact on the friendship altogether.

So what makes these differences?
What determines which effect it will have? And is it possible to be able to estimate what will happen before you make the decision to go there in the first place?

I have a few ideas that I have been thinking about, in my experience that may make a difference to the outcome of something like this.

1. Unreciprocated feelings. 
Let's be honest here guys, if you know that either one of you has deeper feelings towards the relationship then the other, DON'T DO IT.
This sort of situation, in my experience, only ends in heartbreak on one part and complete mess for all involved.

2. The determination of the two of you to stay friends
Honestly, one thing that my mother always told me that she was 100% right about is that "it won't be awkward unless you let it be awkward".
If the two of you are on the same page when it comes to the fact that you don't want your friendship to change - into a romantic one or into ruins, then you'll both make the effort not to let that happen. Whether that means ignoring the fact that the situation happened, or talking it out to make sure you're on the same page. If you both care enough about maintaining that friendship, then you will.

3. How comfortable you are with each other 
This can be a big deal, considering that if you don't feel comfortable with someone before you become intimate with them it could lead to feelings of embarrassment and just general uneasiness being around them afterwards, which would obviously have pretty negative effects on the friendship.

I think that last one is especially important! But at the same time, the more comfortable you are with each other, may indicate romantic feelings and oh my gosh it's all too hard.

I've been thinking about this a lot in the last few days, like I said, and I'd love you guys to tell me what you think.
Please give me your opinions on this, because whilst I may sound wise, I don't know very much about this sort of stuff at all.
And also, this is all just my opinions from my experiences, so if you guys have had different, please let me know, I would love to hear about it.

Thanks for reading,
Love you all
xxxxxxxxxx T

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Sophie W said…
Hey Taylor!

I got so excited when I saw that you had written a new post.
I definitely agree with you here. I haven't had many romantic or intimate experiences, though my last boyfriend and I were very good friends before we dated. In the beginning we were very open about everything and agreed to stay friends if things didn't go as planned. Towards the end I could see straight through him and his lies, but because I had known him as a great guy when we were friends it was hard to hate him. I never hated him but we ended things and it was just never the same again :( Just kept things brief there as it's a public comment.

Have a great day!
-Sophie xx

Taylor Bekkers said…
Awww you are actually the cutest thing ever I swear!
Aw that sucks that he was like that, you deserve so much better than that!
Yeah i know the feeling, i've been in a situation very similar too, unfortunately it's pretty hard to stay friends with someone when one of them has broken the others heart!

Thanks so much for reading gorgeous xxxx

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