Grief, pain and what it does to us

Hey guys,

So I've been thinking a lot lately about how people deal with the hardships in their lives.
I was talking to a friend the other day about how much grief changes people, and how it's moments like those that can really bring out the truth in a person.

I've read a lot of quotes and books that explore this, that if you really want to know a person, listen to them when they're grieving or going through a hardship. And I have to say that I think this is really true, not only for other people but for yourselves.

I have been through hardships in my life, everyone has, and I can say that as much as they sucked, as much as some of them definitely weren't for the better, I have learnt so much about myself, my emotions and my strength from each and every one of them.

As some of you may know, I work on an anxiety and OCD helpline so I do come across many different people dealing with different issues in many different ways on that helpline.
This is just so intriguing to me, I mean, the ways that two different people would deal with the same situation mentally amazes me.
Especially considering how similar the human race is when it comes to a physical and biological level. I mean, sure there are small differences, but two different people with the same disease or illness will most likely show most of the same symptoms.
You have a cold and you might have a sore throat and a congested nose, I have a cold and I might have the congestion and a headache. I mean, it's more or less the same.

But grief and mentality are so different. Which makes dealing with it all the harder, as there aren't one stop fixes for it. It's a process, it's a struggle.
It involves working with your head, learning from it, accepting it and working on different ways to try and decrease the problem.
To me, it's enlightening.
But not many people have the courage or the strength to be able to look at themselves and analyse themselves in this way.

Philip Emeagawli said that 'The hardships I encountered in the past will help me succeed in the future'.
 I really want to believe this, to believe that everything happens for a reason, and that at the end of the day, the shit we all go through has a purpose. That we grow from it. I have to believe this or else I would never be able to get out of bed some mornings.
But maybe it's not true. Maybe life really is just a bastard and shitty things happen and nothing good comes from it and thats the end of that.

I mean, I was having a conversation with a friend the other day who said that someone she knew, after they lost a really important person in their life to cancer, that they just up and moved across the world. Didn't tell their wife or children, or anyone else.
They just got up, left and started over.

Whereas, other people I have come across in a situation like that would just pull everyone so close to them. Too scared to let go in case something awful happened.

But I don't know, I mean the way I look at it is that sometimes life really sucks.
People in your life can decide to just leave, you may miss out on that job because of something as simple as one wrong answer on a test or maybe all you want to do is hang out with someone who is currently 11,658km away.
As Rainbow Rowell says in her book Eleanor and Park, "Life's a bastard".
But you know what, that doesn't mean that life can't still be beautiful as well.
It doesn't mean that you have to stop living, you need to work around your problems, be strong, tune into your own head and live..

What do you guys think? I'd love to get a debate/conversation going on this sort of stuff!
Let me know in the comments or chuck me an email, I'd love to hear your stories!

Thanks for reading,
Love you all
xxxxxxx T



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