Growing up and changing (for the better?)

Hey guys,

Okay so I wanted to get some advice, or idk just talk to you guys about how I'm feeling at the moment, about growing up I guess.

So I'm 19 right now, finished high school last year and have finished my first year of uni about a month ago (thank god that's over).

So anyway, while I was in high school and maybe until the middle of this year I was very much what I guess you'd call 'punk' or 'alternative' or even slightly 'gothic'.
I wore nothing but black clothes 24/7, and if I wasn't wearing black, I was wearing grey.
I only liked really depressing movies about war and stuff like that.
I did nothing but listen to alternative, pop punk music like My Chemical Romance, Green Day, Bring Me The Horizon, etc etc.
I was obsessed with tattoos and wore a lot, and I mean a lot, of black eyeliner.

Anyway, my best friend was very similar to me. She probably was a lot more into clothes that weren't ALL black, but still majority of it was..
My Mum is also similar in that way again. She is obsessed with rock music and she dresses in that same style too.

But now things are different.

Since April this year though, I started changing.
I now love coloured clothing, and very rarely will I wear an outfit that is all black. Strangely I did today, but it was just a black dress and a black hat, but that's a very rare occurence nowadays.
I barely wear any makeup anymore, and when I do it's all very soft and natural.
Whilst I still love a lot of the bands that I used to listen to, I now am more of a top 40/what I call happy and 'bouncy' music.
I like all things that are happy and uplifting.
Most of the movies that I watch now if they're not kids movies, they're rom coms.

And along  with this, I am a lot happier.
Back when I used to dress all in black and stuff I was going through a pretty hard time with my anxiety and depression, so (as much as I know this might not make sense to a lot of you guys) I'd rather be around depressing things. I guess it made me feel less alone or whatever. But that's not really important.

This change did happen at a similar time to me meeting my boyfriend but I really want to stress that this is not for him. I am not changing myself to fit him, he doesn't care about any of that and also fell for me while I was in that dark stage anyway.
But I will say that he did give me the confidence to be able to wear more bright clothing and more feminine stuff.
And he did make me incredibly happy, which may have had an impact on me wanting to be happy more of the time.
But I definitely didn't change for or because of him.

But see the problem now is that with a lot of my friends and I'm feeling it with my Mum too actually, which sucks, I feel like I connect with them less because of this change.
And that's been really hard.
I don't really like listening to the same kind of music or watching the same kind of movies that I used to and it's been a bit of a strain which sucks.

I wanna hear from you guys, real bad this time. 

Have any of you guys ever experienced this before?
If so, how did you deal with it?
Please let me know, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it all, on growing up in general.

xxxxxxx T






EJ Curtis said…
I haven't really been through a change like this. But I know someone who has. She changed so much that it felt like we weren't even friends anymore. BUT we started to rebuild the friendship not through music or clothes etc but through our differences. We found that our differences complemented each other but most of all we found that we couldn't let change get in the way of our long friendship together. I think this should be the same for your case. Your friends and family should see through the change into the actual you behind the new music and clothes. I wish you all the best. I will give your blog a follow. Check out my blog and follow it maybe?
Taylor Bekkers said…
Hey EJ :)
Thank you so much for commenting! Your support and insight actually really made me look at this differently and definitely gave me hope! So thank you so much!

That's so amazing that you and your friend ended up figuring it out! I definitely hope that my friends see it that way too!
Friendship really is super important and I know that it's all about like hard work and stuff and it's definitely an idea that I will be thinking about next time I feel this way.

Thank you so much for following! I will definitely go and check out your blog right now and follow of course!
xxxxxxx Tay

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